


Reach To The Light (I’m tired of trying)

by Britannica_4



Category: Original Work
Genre: Chaos chaos everywhere, Confusion, Dream SMP is utter chaos and its beautiful, Gen, it wouldn’t be the first time, maybe references idk, none over here tho, random tags for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Britannica_4/pseuds/Britannica_4
Summary: Hello and welcome all!Sooo this is my first series as well as my first piece of work on ao3!This took up a lot of courage for me and I know it won’t be the best but as time goes on I’ll get the hang of this. I thank a dear friend of mine for the inspiration of this work and for some of the dialouge; she means the world to me!Enjoy!(We’ll see how this goes 👀)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome all!
> 
> Sooo this is my first series as well as my first piece of work on ao3!
> 
> This took up a lot of courage for me and I know it won’t be the best but as time goes on I’ll get the hang of this. I thank a dear friend of mine for the inspiration of this work and for some of the dialouge; she means the world to me!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (We’ll see how this goes 👀)

Rain was a good thing, right? It soothed the soul, supposedly.

Not this time around.

The rain came down in sheets onto the dark asphalt road and it made the pounding headache Delilah Reilight had even worse, cars zipping by like nothing was wrong. The sidewalk was old- cracks lined the stone with flowers growing in between the cracks every few steps. They were wilting though, the rain was pelting down pretty hard.

Her espresso brown hair didn’t even reach her shoulders, her wavy bangs framing her face all the same, even more so with the nearly freezing rain. It always had this almost golden shine whenever sunlight hit her wavy, nearly curly, locks. Watery hazel eyes sat behind thick-framed tortoiseshell glasses that were foggy and collecting rainwater on the lenses. The navy oversized hoodie she was wearing held her cold and shaking hands but left her soaked. The light grey sweatpants were now soiled due to rain. The once white tennis shoes she wore were a bit scuffed but in good shape otherwise. She was on the shorter side of five foot, not to mention her skin was fair; it’s tanned in the summer and stays that way through most of winter before it fades.

Delilah had entered a residential neighborhood and only realized that when a small park came into view. She glanced around quickly, the houses being two stories and holding their own sense of style. She caught sight of the two swings and immediately sat on one of them, the sound they made when used being that equivalent to nails down a chalkboard but dialed down to three or so.

Delilah didn’t know how much time had passed, all she knew was that she was cold. She shivered harshly as the rain fell to a drizzle and the wind started to pick up. It was like a blanket almost, how the cold numbness settled deep into her bones. It was… _weird_. Everything was slow, like swimming through honey and her head was filled with cotton and an incessant ringing. That’s why it took her longer to realize she wasn’t sitting on the swing but was laying on the ground instead because she fell off backwards.

_Will the ground swallow me up? Will the freezing rain numb this damned thing inside my chest that frantically beats like a hummingbird?_

Her mind only spiraled farther down the rabbit hole.

Delilah didn’t know how long she had been laying in the damp soil but she failed to register the beams of car lights, or the slamming of said car door. The said person who slammed the car door picked up Delilah in one scoop, bridal style, and the brunet didn’t have it in her to protest as she was settled in the backseat. There were other people in the car- van but Delilah couldn’t discern the voices through the fog in her mind. It all sounded muffled, like being underwater.

But the instant change from cold to warm, followed by the indoor lights of the van flickering on, Delilah hid her face behind her hands as she whined softly. Unknown to her, all the other passengers exchanged wary glances. The brunet stayed quiet and didn’t move after, one of the passengers turning off the lights.

“Carmen, make sure she’s okay…!”

The voices blended back together but the name _Carmen Luceil_ rang through the fog in her mind. This caused Delilah to sit up correctly so that the seat belt wasn’t digging into her side. A chorus of voices rang out simultaneously, after a second of pause, and Delilah covered her ears instantly, the world spinning even with her eyes shut.

“Why the hell am I in a van?” Delilah murmured, causing everyone to fall abruptly silent.

“Let’s go inside- this weather is brutal...” A familiar voice commanded, and the instant rush of cold air was a vast difference to the circulating heat of the van. Vaguely, Delilah was being led back to her room, someone with ginger red hair leading the way. She would have protested but a mug of hot chocolate was shoved into her hands and she was seated on a nearby couch before she could do anything. 

And _now_ the events of the day and night were catching up with her.

Mirabelle Blankenship had slipped into her bedroom unnoticed. Carmen and Carlos Luceil were the computer science twins that Delilah took an immediate interest in; the brunet had caught them playing Minecraft in an English class. Nicole Steinheart was the ginger that had led the way a few minutes prior, who now was engaged in conversation with the twins. Katie Laverne was rubbing circles on Delilah’s back, her big amber eyes betraying the worry that she was feeling. Isen Blarce and Soren Malore made small talk as they kept eyeing the hallway Mirabelle had disappeared down while they nursed their respective mugs of either tea or coffee. 

“Where did Mira go?” Delilah murmured, setting down the mug she had been holding onto a coffee table. Katie, however, kept a firm grip on one of her shoulders, unyielding. Her ink black hair pulled into a low ponytail and her big amber eyes held no room for any argument. The weight of her grip loosened once Delilah sighed, deep exhaustion thumbing through her bones. The brunet curled up against Katie, who merely leaned back into the couch but roved her hand from where it had been rubbing circles.

“She’ll be back here when you wake up.” Delilah had been silently mourning the loss of contact but then felt a pair of hands carding through her wavy brown locks. “We promise you that. Now go to sleep.”

With blankets wrapped around the two of them and the atmosphere warm and the exhaustion tugging at her eyelids, Delilah fell into sleep’s clutches without any retaliation.

_ _ _ _ _ _

It was definitely an ungodly hour when Delilah woke up in a cold sweat- without Katie beside her. The rain had stopped, allowing the moon to shine through the living room blinds. It was oddly comforting in a way, despite the spike of panic that Delilah currently felt.

“Rei…! It’s alright, I’m here- Katie and the others are in the other room, sprawled out on the floors.” Mirabelle soothed, chuckling at the end of her sentence, but Delilah could feel Mirabelle’s hands shaking despite the blonde’s efforts to stay calm and light. Delilah’s vision finally adjusted to the darkness and took in the figure beside her.

Mirabelle’s long blonde hair that went down to her abdomen was braided but pieces stuck out at random points in the braid itself. Her blonde hair was two toned, the top part a bright gold you’d find in fairytales and the bottom a dark rich honey color. Though the winter months sometimes made it look so pale and colorless in comparison to summer. Her cerulean eyes were the color of a sparkling ocean- like the coasts of Florida… But on grey days they took on an almost silver tone. Right now, they were shining with anxiety and were currently a silver hue.

Delilah shivered at how cold she was but also because Mirabelle’s hands were cold too, resting on Delilah’s own smaller hands. In hindsight, they were always cold and Delilah usually didn’t mind but right now she didn’t know whether to lean into her touch or to yank her hands away--

“I’m such an idiot…” Mirabelle murmured suddenly, a small salty droplet sliding down her left cheek. Delilah’s hazel gaze snapped up to meet Mirabelle’s watery cerulean one. Delilah felt guilt wrap itself around her chest like a vice as she wiped said tear away.

Here she was, stuck in a down spiral, and she hadn’t even considered what that did to Mirabelle’s anxiety.

“No, no no you are not the fuck up here! Why would you think that this is your fault in the first place?” Delilah retracted her hands away quickly, immediately regretting the action, but instead placing her hands on the blonde’s shoulders.

“I should’ve seen that you were--” Mirabelle’s breath hitched for a moment, and it took a second for the blonde to gather herself together. “Rei what the hell would I have done if I found you dead somewhere?! I wouldn’t be able to--”

“Doesn’t it just… reopen the wound that was meant to stay closed?” Delilah interrupted, her voice dropped to a shaky whisper. She didn’t know she was crying until an icy tear dropped to the floor. Her eyes were shut, guilt was ever so present. _Your fault, your fault, your fault!_ And it hurt- God- she couldn’t deny that. “Do you want to pick up the shards that were mine to begin with? Do you want my shards all over the floor…? I- I say I’m fine, I joke around, I do and say a lot, but it won’t last. One day- one day it will break and I don’t want others to be swept up in my drama when it happens…”

Mirabelle was oddly silent, no movement could be heard. Through thick tears and small sobs, Delilah opened her eyes and was met with the most steeled and determined gaze she had ever met- it took her breath away. Delilah’s arms dropped from her best friend’s shoulders, and the blonde put her hands on Delilah’s shoulders.

Delilah Reilight was not ready for what was said next.

“Delilah you listen to me, life is fucking painful. But it’s also the most beautiful thing we’ve been given. Suicide is the most stupid thing you could possibly do. Think of all the wonderful people you have in your life, your parents, our friends, your sisters, hell even me. Suicide doesn’t end the pain, it only passes it on to everyone who loves you. Death is final, there’d be no more surprises, no more jokes, no more good mornings, no more gifts, no more happiness…!” 

Delilah embraced Mirabelle so quickly that the blonde stopped speaking and allowed both of their tears to flow like a waterfall. Letting out those emotions felt like water rushing through a dam. _Why do you know me so well? I don’t deserve you and your words- your unending loyalty and kindness. Yet… is it foolish to hang on to this false hope?_

“And don’t you _dare_ assume I’m just gonna bail on you when things get hard. You’re my best friend, I fully expect you to be there for my college graduation, my wedding, hell I want to see our kids play together one day! So don’t think for one second I’m gonna let you bail on me and leave me alone against the world, not happening. I’m in it for the long haul... Understand?”

Again and again, Delilah continued to be blown away by her best friend’s philosophical yet truthful words. Mirabelle always had a way of hitting home with her words.

“I- God I- I understand. I know that I can’t bring myself, but it’s because I have others- everyone counting on me.” Delilah weakly rubbed away a tear streak, but only for a new one to form. She hated when her voice broke but it was all true. Her heart had been ripped out and was now on display for Mirabelle. The brunet chuckled softly and poorly. “On the subject of these salty water droplets, I haven’t cried like this in a while- you’re the first to do so.”

“And I’ll make you cry as many times as it takes for you to realize how much I care about you. I want you to count on me too, I want you to hold me to all the things I’ve just said. And I know a lot of people are counting on you, so that just means you’ve got a lot of people to count on yourself too.” Mirabelle sighed, but it was out of mental exhaustion- one that Delilah related to all too well. Both were smiling softly out of understanding and finality. Their sobs had finally ebbed away, opening to physical exhaustion.

“Thank you… _again_.” Delilah murmured quietly before wrapping herself and Mirabelle in a fluffy light blue blanket and settling into the couch. The blonde hummed softly in response. 

In the dark of the night, the only light source was Mirabelle’s phone as the two watched anime far into the early morning. And when the sun started to peek through the living room blinds and Mirabelle was fast asleep, Delilah hummed in contentment to herself.

She could work with the hand given to her. It would take time- tons of it… but they could make it work. It was a step in the right direction. One would hope anyway...


	2. Reach For The Light (Will it ever be the same?)

Katie Laverne wouldn’t consider herself as a clingy person, despite the events from a week ago. It just so happened that she was the closest to Delilah when she came staggering into the room. Katie had initially been waiting for news from Mirabelle through text but instead was greeted by Mirabelle herself, along with the rest of her friends.

And now here she was, in her college dorm room, at ten in the evening, with Nicole Steinheart- her roommate pacing around her room.

Nicole was stubborn, to put it lightly. She wasn’t exactly reserved- she was the opposite of that! It was just that her true emotions were hidden by the variety of masks she puts up. So she could be happy, but behind that happiness could be jealousy. And behind closed doors, she was someone else entirely.

“She just up and left- without a word! How did Delilah do that with Mirabelle as her roommate, who she _knows_ has anxiety problems?” Nicole’s ginger red hair swished with every turn that she made. It nearly made Katie dizzy with how fast the ginger was pacing. Though, this wasn’t the first time that the ginger paced around the room like this.

“I told you this yesterday, she was in a down spiral.” Katie forced herself to keep her voice level and somewhat calm. She was no happier than Nicole, but then again, Katie didn’t hold back her emotions. Though, there was a time and place to… “It seemed pretty intermediate if you ask me.”

“You’re saying it could’ve been worse!?” Nicole spun on her heel to face Katie, the ginger’s fern green eyes filled with the fear that had been present ever since she started to pace. “Are you- are you saying it’s been that bad since we all met for the first time?”

Katie opened her mouth to speak but shut it when nothing was uttered. She closed her amber eyes in thought.

The first day they had all met… it had been through either English, Chorus, Theatre, Writing, or all of those combined. Katie had met Nicole through English, by a group project the class had to do halfway through the second week of classes. Despite the two being total opposites, they hit it off as friends pretty well within the first year of college. Second year was when Mirabelle and Delilah showed up.

And those two hadn’t been the first with their mental or emotional problems.

Soren Malore and Isen Blarce had their own set of problems, both trying to find their identity and place in the world. It was better now than before- by a mile- yet there was this looming threat. Invisible yet could strike at any time. Carmen and Carlos constantly got involved with mysteries and cold cases, making them perfect candidates for being detectives. It’s probably the reason they’re so good at Hardcore Minecraft… Nicole was somehow a ticking time bomb, when set off the wrong way she would explode with any emotion you could think of. Anger was more her strong suit but because of her vast emotional range, it meant that her acting skills were incredible. Katie… didn’t know what was wrong with her or at least couldn’t find anything.

“No, but your plans and past differ greatly from _her_ plans and past.” Katie answered, her amber eyes opening again to meet Nicole’s softer one. “I’m not saying that you’re right or wrong, but we all have unanswered questions rattling in our minds- a mental prison of sorts. One we often can’t escape from.”

“You’re saying it’s worse for Mirabelle then. Based on her anxiety levels, right?” Katie could see the gears turning in her roommate’s mind, and the ravenette nodded at Nicole’s added question. “And for Delilah, those degrading thoughts drag her down more than they should.”

“Those negative thoughts affect Mirabelle _far worse_ than Delilah, Nicole. There is a clear cut difference between Anxiety and Depression. When those two things are mixed together, you’re _asking_ for disaster…” Katie could hear the desperation in her own voice, and it surprised her. Nicole resorted to sitting cross-legged on the floor, which needed to be vacuumed sooner rather than later. “I don’t possess either, but it sometimes feels like it. When you _think_ the world around you is falling apart but it’s _you_ coming undone at the seams...”

Nicole muttered something under her breath that Katie didn’t quite catch but she didn’t bother in pestering the ginger any further. The need for a beverage went unsaid as Nicole practically jumped to her feet and strolled over to the fridge, where the sodas were.

“No more Mountain Dew please…” Katie couldn’t help complain, giggling as she declined the beverage. “It’s absolute shit and we both know it!”

“What do you want, an Orange Fanta instead?”

“Grape Fanta.”

“Your taste buds are going to be ruined.”

“It’ll do that to anyone.”

“That’s a lie!”

“So the Fanta company has been lying to us for years now?”

“Don’t get them involved!”

The lighthearted bickering continued well into the evening, the tv turned on to a horrid rom-com, courtesy of Katie and her terrible taste in romance- and no she didn’t apologize. Both refused to tarnish their egos... The two half empty Fanta cans stood on the coffee table, one purple and one red. There were so many blankets around the pair that it was beyond ridiculous, but neither seemed to mind that, or how clingy Katie was. Whether it be curling into the ginger’s side or lap, or suntanned hands carding through ink black hair. Nicole never said anything about it, just smiled softly as Katie hummed in contentment.

Neither brought it up later. Well, minus the rom-com and after reviewing it once, both agreed that Katie wasn’t picking the next movie.

She hoped that no horror movies were thrown her way anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Um... 👀
> 
> I can’t promise a constant updating schedule... However, I’ll do my best with school and all! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> P.S. The updating schedule will be chaotic since it’s not set in stone...


End file.
